Celebrity Cheaters: Welcome to the Court of Public Opinion!

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Celebrities have it all…money, fame, and all that comes with it.  Personal trainers, personal chefs, glamorous homes in the Hollywood Hills filled with glamorous people in designer outfits, dripping with diamonds.  They have the life that all of us dream of as we stare at their perfectly airbrushed images in the glossy pages of women’s magazines.  So why, oh why, with the whole world at their fingertips, do they feel the need to cheat?

I know what you’re thinking.  They’re really just normal people and normal people cheat every day.  That is where you’re wrong.  They’re absolutely not normal.  Anyone who has a personal cavalcade of men in black, blocking intersections so they can go through and following them in three SUVs, is not normal.  Anyone who is hounded by paparazzi to the point of getting in accidents because the streets around them are clogged with camera-toting wackos is not normal.  Anyone who goes shopping for a cell phone and comes home with the gold Dolce & Gabbana RAZR is not normal.  Celebrities live in a different world.  And they think they can get away with anything.

Let’s just go down the list, here.  Tiger Woods is one of the most recent offenders, and apparently aims to be the worst with his seemingly endless list of sexting bimbos popping out of the woodwork every other day, acting like they were duped.  He’s married, idiots!  Of course, there are allegations that Elin knew about it all along and only got angry when it went public, but even if that were true, would it make his outlandish behavior any better?  Hey, Tiger, how about this…if you want to be with other women, why not get a divorce?  I mean, this isn’t the middle ages.  You can be with as many people as you want.  But if you’re going to make a promise to be with one person, well, you can’t be surprised when they get angry at you for breaking it.  Jerk.  And let’s not forget your responsibility to your fans.  You are a public figure!  Kids look up to you!  Heck, adults look up to you.  If you didn’t want that responsibility, you should have stuck to the putt-putt course.

And what about Jesse James?  I admit, I was disappointed with this one, but I can’t say I’m surprised.  Think about it.  What kind of man hooks up with strippers and porn stars?  Let me amend that.  What kind of man has a kid with a porn star?  Most men fantasize about getting together with some of the lovely ladies of the adult entertainment industry, but no one wants to take them home and have them raise their kids (no offense, porn ladies, but it’s not exactly a kid-friendly atmosphere).  We all wanted Sandra and Jesse to have the fairy-tale ending, but some cats just can’t change their stripes.

And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling reporters!  Alright, let’s just put the blame squarely where it belongs, on the shoulders of these low-down, dirty cheaters.  Honestly, only two people stood at the altar and took vows, and none of them were the bimbos doing the tell-alls in the gossip rags.  For whatever reason, these celebrities vowed to be faithful and then turned around and hailed the nearest cab to ho-town.  Maybe they were bored.  Or maybe they couldn’t resist the endless onslaught of tempting tarts.  Or maybe their parents got divorced before it was socially acceptable.  Whatever their reasons, the story certainly isn’t new.  But that doesn’t make it any less enticing to the media at large.  When will these celebrities learn that there’s always someone watching?